Relax bay, Ko Lanta, Thailand.

Notes and questions on enjoying solitude

It’s been about 40 days now that we’re staying in Ko Lanta, Thailand. I’m writing this note because I feel like my social behavior has changed during that period: I’ve not felt as comfortable with people as I used to, and I’ve enjoyed being alone a lot. I’m not sure if this is correlated with our life in Ko Lanta itself, or not. So I’m sharing this, hoping that maybe, someone experienced something similar, and would like to exchange about this.

Don’t get me wrong: I feel great! Life in Ko Lanta is really fantastic, even better than I imagined! Weather is great, beaches are beautiful, locals are amazingly friendly and always smiling… We really feel blessed by our stay, and by how locals welcome us on their island. Camille also loves this experience, and I believe that she feels very happy about us being together here. On a more personal side, I’m very inspired these days, so I end up spending a lot of time on my laptop, writing code for several side-projects of mine, in flow mode. So, again, I’m super happy!

So what’s the problem?

Ok, I can hear you thinking “Oh, that’s ok to be an introvert! Embrace it!” Maybe. But then, why did I use to enjoy huge parties, going out every night, meeting new people in Couchsurfing events, meetups, etc…? I read that introverts are energized by solitude, whereas extroverts are energized by the company of other people. How can a real introvert enjoy getting involved that often in so many activities packed with strangers? Maybe was I driven by a motive that was strong enough to overcome my introversion and shyness, and I don’t feel that motive anymore? Was I looking for validation by others, in order to build self-confidence? Or maybe hunger for love, or even just sex?

More importantly, why do most people (including my best friends) think I’m joking when I tell them that I’ve always been a shy person, or that I don’t feel like I’m a “social” person?

High school was a relief: I finally started to have fun with more people, and enjoyed going out more. Was that sudden change of behavior driven by my growing consumption of alcohol, by my growing sexual appetite, or both? Or maybe was I feeling more confident and fulfilled because I was playing in a rock band, and/or because I had written calculator programs and games that other people enjoyed?

Pattern or joke?

I’m happy of having found the energy to formalize my thoughts, and and the guts to share them publicly. As some of you may know, I don’t like to expect or hope anything from others, but if you think that you can help me with these questions, or that you have had a similar feeling at some point in your life, I would love to read your comments!

I’m not looking for popularity, but if you think that this article can help people feel better (or help me answer my questions), please recommend it and/or share it.

Web software development × personal development. https://adrienjoly.com/now 🚀

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